The Hallmark of a New Christmas Tradition
by LadyDivine91
Summary: With their plans canceled and a cherished Christmas tradition persona non grata, Kurt and Blaine come up with a new tradition - writing and starring in their own Hallmark-style movie. Kurt H. Blaine A. Klaine


**_Notes: Written for the Glee Potluck Big Bang prompt 'Hallmark' and the Klaine Advent 2019 prompt 'tradition'. Also, I'm embarrassed at how quickly it took to write this XD_**

"Ugh! Hallmark!" Kurt groans, closing his browser and tossing his phone across the sofa in disgust. "You disappoint me."

"I take it you heard about the Zola thing, too, huh?" Blaine asks, retrieving the discarded phone and dropping on a cushion beside his husband.

"Yup." Kurt snags his phone back, but only as an excuse to grab his husband's leg and yank it over his lap. "Well, good riddance to bad rubbish."

"Rubbish? I thought you _loved_ Hallmark movies!"

"Sort of." Kurt shrugs. "It's complicated."

"Complicated?" Blaine snorts. "It's _Hallmark_."

"Yes, but it's formulaic! And that formula is repetitive … and kind of sexist. It's something you have to be in the mood for." Kurt shifts in his seat to better face his husband. "When you put on a Hallmark movie, you know what you're going to get – successful woman with no time for family or holiday nonsense gets pulled away from an extremely important career-making decision to travel, last minute, to the small town where she grew up and care for her ailing ma/pa/grandma who raised her or whatever, and discovers the true meaning of Christmas in the arms of a rugged lumberjack who spends the first three-quarters of their so-called relationship making fun of her life decisions even though, in the grand scheme of things, there's absolutely nothing wrong with them, besides maybe the fact that she's going to be thirty in a few years, le gasp!, and she has yet to pop out any kids."

Blaine's eyebrows shoot up in surprise when Kurt finally takes a breath. "Wow. You gave that no thought at all, did you?"

"Don't have to. Think about it. They never change."

Blaine's eyes roll up as he tries to recall the plot of the last few Hallmark movies they watched. He finds himself nodding without even meaning to, his husband's point proven. "I see what you mean."

"Plus, no LGBTQ couples ever. At all. Not even in the background."

"That is a shame," Blaine agrees, eyes focused on the phone in Kurt's hands, up to his face, then over his shoulder to the window beyond, where a steady stream of snow has been falling all morning, gathering on the panes and obscuring their view. According to the news, it's piling up fast, which pretty much 86'd the plans they'd made to visit a bed and breakfast upstate. They'd changed back into their pajamas and opted for their fallback tradition – watching Hallmark movies. But without even asking, he knows that's out.

Blaine grins. He'd been bummed about their circumstances before, but now he sees an opportunity. The phone, the snow, this whole conversation has given Blaine a stellar idea.

"Seeing as we're snowed in for the weekend, maybe we can try our hands at making our own Hallmark movie! You and I can star in it!"

Kurt's right brow arches sharply. "Are you serious? Or is this some veiled excuse to make a cornier-than-normal sex tape?"

"I'm _serious_! We used to do something similar back in high school! Remember?"

"Normally I try to forget high school, but yes. I remember."

"Great!" Blaine says, genuinely excited. "Let's start! Open up your notepad and let's come up with a script."

Kurt stares at his husband open-mouthed for a second, but since Blaine honestly looks like he wants to do this, he unlocks his screen and opens his notepad. "All right. Well, casting this thing shouldn't be too difficult."

"Why not?"

"For one thing, I work for _Vogue_, so I get to be the career woman protagonist."

"Plus you have a dad with a history of health problems …"

"No!" Kurt snaps, less than playfully. "We're not including that. It's bad juju."

Blaine puts up both hands in surrender. Burt's health has always been a sore spot with Kurt, even now when the man is certifiably fit as a fiddle. But Blaine can understand his fear – even if it's more superstitious than rational. No need to take unnecessary chances. "Fair enough."

"We can make up a fictitious ailing grandmother?" Kurt suggests in a softer, apologetic tone.

"Or a pet."

"Ooo, that's good!" Kurt jots that down. "People get invested in pets more than people nowadays anyway!"

"I guess that makes _me_ the jerkhole lumberjack," Blaine says sadly, having not thought this completely through.

"No!" Kurt puts a hand on his husband's shoulder and kneads comfortingly. "We'll make you the … uh … cynical struggling musician with a heart of gold!"

Blaine's eyes light up. "I like it. I like it a lot! And I'm not from the small town. I'm just passing through."

"Ooo …" Kurt makes a note "… a mysterious stranger with a past. Okay. Now, I come home because my dog …"

"Cooper."

"Cooper!" Kurt laughs. "Perfect! My dog Cooper …"

"A thirteen-year-old, blind, shaggy mutt with three legs and chronic gall stones …"

Kurt stops writing to take a gander at his bitter husband. "Uh … is there something you need to pause and work out here, or can we continue?"

"Oh!" Blaine yelps as if he may not have intended to say that all out loud. "No! Continue! By all means."

Kurt shakes his head. "I come home because my dog Cooper needs emergency surgery. And my dad thinks it's the perfect opportunity to convince me to move back home and work with him in his shop … despite the fact that my character makes close to seventy-five thousand dollars a year."

"Where do I come in? Where do I come in?" Blaine asks, bouncing up and down like a toddler mainlining Pixie sticks.

"You showed up in town the week before. No home, no job, no money. And your car …"

"My _Harley_," Blaine corrects with an eyebrow wiggle.

"Oh, yes, your _Harley_ needs repairs. But you can't afford them. So you're going to work the bill off at my dad's shop."

"That sounds like something your dad would do."

Kurt smiles fondly. "Yeah, it does. Bonding over beers at the only bar in town, he finds out you're gay, and so he connives you into helping him. You know, using your _masculine wiles_."

"He gets me to seduce you? In exchange for repairing my bike? So you'll stay and work in his shop?"

"A-ha."

Blaine frowns. "That sounds kind of sleazy."

"Yes, but this isn't real life. Remember? It's _Hallmark_. And it's right on brand."

"Surprisingly, it is. What else?"

"But you're a drifter. A nomad. You don't want to put down roots, not until you've scored that big time record contract. And my dad doesn't want that for me – going on the road with you. So the deal is as soon as you get me to agree to stay, quit my job and sell my penthouse, you're going to break up with me and leave."

"So your dad doesn't really like me?"

"No, sweetheart!" Kurt takes Blaine's hand, kissing away the sliver of hurt in his husband's voice. "He _does_! And in the movie, he'll come around."

"All right." Blaine kisses Kurt's hand back, momentarily soothed. "If we're going to act this out, where do we begin? Should I throw on some jeans and a flannel? Grab my guitar?"

"We just got back into our pajamas. And I don't know about you, but I'm really cozy …" Kurt chews the inside of his cheek, mischief and a smile twitching his lips. "I say we jump ahead to the epic cookie baking montage."

"Doesn't that usually happen before the equally epic first kiss?"

"A-ha. Which leads to making out on the sofa. And then …"

"Sex tape?" Blaine meets Kurt's mischievous grin with one of his own. Kurt flashes his phone screen Blaine's way, the camera app already open with the perspective flipped so Blaine sees his own grinning face.

"You read my mind."


End file.
